dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
