So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
