If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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