i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
