I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
