Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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