oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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