Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sober January is a disaster.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She even gives head with a lisp.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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