Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize