ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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