grandma shit on top of the toilet
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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