i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
