Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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