This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
