i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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