I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
