sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
