Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
