Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I just sharted jello shots
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