I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
