those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
