she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
