she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
