Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You can't special order awesome
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
