if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
