i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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