Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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