wakey wakey hands off snakey
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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