So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
