is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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