I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
