You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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