at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
