1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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