EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
jump out the window naked night went bad
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
