a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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