Just fell off a train. Bad.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
