I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize