Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
