please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
