Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
