Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
