that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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