I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
