the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
