Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I've blown a few things in my day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
