i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
