the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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