i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
