does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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