Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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