Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
