he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
