Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
