bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize