I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This is my gift to your gina
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
