So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
