I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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