really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
