I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
