Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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