and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
