this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
