A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
