Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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