I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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