hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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