You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just pee around me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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