Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
