dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
