Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
