kristin has been a bad kristin
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
