do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize