someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
