you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
