Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
