i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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