The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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