I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
