I can't breathe out the right side of my face
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
