at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
