3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You pole danced in your parka.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Randomize
