Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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