whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
