I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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