I think I won the penis lottery.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize