Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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