Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
