i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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