operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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