I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Fuck me I smell like cheese
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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